Charlotte's Journey: Surgery Day

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Surgery Day

It's 2 a.m. and I am laying in the bed staring at Charlotte while she sleeps. I can not sleep for praying. I know that God will take care of her, but still I can't sleep. I look at how peaceful she is and how sweet and beautiful, and I just Thank God for the time we have had together these last two years. She is my little miracle baby. I decide to get up at 2:30 and get a shower, and get ready. I wake Brian up 4:00 so he can get ready and help me with Charlotte. She is so sweet, even at 4:30 in the morning she is sweet and loving and so full of questions. "Where we going" and Brian tells her to the hospital. "We see Dr. Bradley?" Brian tells her yes and she's fine, gets her bath and dressed and all wrapped up in her blanket and back to sleep. Must be nice to sleep in a time like this, but look at her, she is knocked out!!

We have made it to the hospital and all checked in and everyone has come to introduce themselves again and the CRNA tells me I have to wake her up to give her some versed. This is med that will help her if she is anxious and let's just say it works REALLY well:) Look at those cheeks,

they look like they are about to bust, she is smiling so much. We have laughed at her so much this morning after this med, that she is laughing at us. I am just thankful that she is "drunk" because I don't think I could hand her over to anyone if she was crying and screaming. This makes it so much easier!! It's about 6:15 and Tim the CRNA tells us it is time to go. We hold her tight, Pray to God and Tim takes her in his arms and off they go. She still has no clue, she's all smiles. We head to PCICU, get a pager and wait for the first page to let us know things have started.

9:15 and first page, surgery started on time and Charlotte is stable. 10:15, Charlotte on bypass, stable and doing well. 11:30 , off bypass and finishing up, Dr. Bradley will be in to talk with you around 12:30 so make sure you are available. Of course this scares me a bit, it's only been what 3 hours and we were told 5-6 hrs, what has happened? Dr. Bradley shows up and tells us that everything went really well and quicker that he thought, that we should be able to see her in about an hour. SHEWW, let me wipe the sweat off my brow and catch my breath, I was waiting for the bad news. Finally get to see our sweet angel. She's on a vent, has lines everywhere and knocked out, but hey she made it through and it will be just a matter of time before we see those beautiful brown eyes.

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Heart Poem

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that he is just going for a visit. He is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. He asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart". "Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

THE CHOSEN MOTHERS BY ERMA BOMBECK

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure, and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothes of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger. "Armstrog, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy." "Exactly" smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it." "I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she believes in you. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps- "Selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally. she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted, She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see.... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. "She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side." "And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel. His pen poised in mid-air. God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."