Charlotte's Journey: Surgery

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Surgery

Lord give me strength! I am an emotional wreck! Watching my children leave and not knowing when we are going to see them again is horrible. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest! Not to mention all the emotions that I have about surgery Tuesday. Charlotte was scheduled for first case Tuesday morning, but she has been bumped to second case! Charlotte has a partially collapsed lung and has to go back on the vent to get it up. I hate that, but if her lung doesn't inflate, they will postpone her surgery. I have to admit that I have prayed more since Charlotte has been born than I have probably my whole life! I pray God gives me piece and assurance. I have to trust in HIM and realize that HE is in control and HIS WILL will be done!

Brian and I spend as much time with Charlotte as possible getting ready for the big day. We usually stay with her all morning, leave for lunch and back til supper time. After supper we stay til 11 and in for the night, but tonight will be different. Brian and I decide to leave for supper and then go to bed to try and get some sleep, so we can get back to the hospital early in the morning. Honestly, who can sleep when something so critical is looming around? It's all I can do to sleep now, much less with something so critical added to things. Charlotte's surgery isn't scheduled til around lunch so we get to spend the morning with her. Dr. Bradley is in surgery this morning, so when he gets about finished, the nurses will start the pre op. My stomach is in my throat all morning, dreading the surgery, but it has to be done. I was hoping to get to hold Charlotte this morning, but with her on the vent, I can't. That's pretty upsetting, so all I've done this morning is cry and lay my face next to hers and kiss her. Somewhere around 10, Dr. Forbus comes over and tells us that Charlotte's surgery has been postponed because Dr. Bradley is running behind in surgery, and he wants to wait til morning. A sigh of relief, but Lord I have to live through this all over again! It's funny how things work out though, a baby was flown in needing emergency surgery this afternoon. If Dr. Bradley had been doing Charlotte's surgery, that baby may not have lived! Now that's the Lord looking out for his own! Brian and I spend all day with Charlotte and when we left at 7p.m. we decided to eat supper and go to bed for a few hours. Brian and I are back at the hospital at 4 a.m and Papa Jack is sitting in the hall waiting on us. We all get to sit with Charlotte for a bit, but then Papa Jack decides to go to the waiting room, he kisses her bye. I feel better about the surgery this morning, and I know it's because the Lord has given me piece about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm still crying, but I know the Lord is in control! Time is flying, it's 6:30 a.m. and anesthesia is asking us question and then they are ready to roll. Brian and I kiss Charlotte one last time and head to the PCICU waiting room. We get a message around 10:30 that the surgery has started and that so far so good. Another page comes and Charlotte is on the heart, lung, bypass machine. Another page comes and Charlotte is off the bypass machine and will be heading to PCICU shortly. O MY LORD, THANK YOU FOR SEEING CHARLOTTE THROUGH SURGERY!!!! I feel a ton lighter, maybe because the elephant that was sitting on my chest just got up! Dr. Bradley comes to talk to us, and he is pleased with surgery and now we wait 48 hours to make sure Charlotte is out of the woods! I was so glad to see my little angel laying in her crib, but my goodness, she is covered in "stuff". There is a monitor stuck to Charlotte's forehead to measure blood flow to the brain, she's on the vent, she has a NG tube, chest tube, pacing wires, a RA line, lines in her belly button, artery lines in each groin, a monitor on her back to measure blood flow to her kidney's, a probe up her butt to measure temperature, a urine catheter, a IV in her left hand, and a little red light attached to her finger to measure heart rate. Looking at Charlotte, all I can do is pray that the Lord is merciful, and that Charlotte makes it through the next 48 hours, and recovers quickly.

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Heart Poem

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that he is just going for a visit. He is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. He asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart". "Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

THE CHOSEN MOTHERS BY ERMA BOMBECK

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure, and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothes of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger. "Armstrog, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy." "Exactly" smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it." "I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she believes in you. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps- "Selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally. she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted, She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see.... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. "She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side." "And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel. His pen poised in mid-air. God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."