Charlotte's Journey: December 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Cardiology Check up

Today we took Charlotte to see Dr. Horne for a check up and we got a pretty good report. Looking at her Echo, things still look about the same and believe it or not, we can still see the shunt! Dr, Horne said that it seems the shunt is doing a very small amount of work, but he feels that her heart is doing most of the work. Charlotte was scheduled for surgery this past January, but Dr. Horne felt like she needed to wait and see how her heart functioned on its own. Usually in this wait and see game, the clocks ticking speeds up quickly as each day passes, but Dr. Horne said that in Charlotte's case, each day that passes, that ticking slows down. The longer Charlotte goes without surgery, the better for her to have a two ventricle repair!!! The plan at this point is to schedule a heart cath for March/April and it will be a diagnostic cath because Dr. Horne wants the shunt and the ASD closed off to see heart pressures and how the heart functions. If all goes well, then possibly close them off, if things go bad, leave them open and probably schedule surgery for the summer of 2013, as long as she continues to do as she has these last 19 months. Lord I pray for a good report and good results during this heart cath!!! I pray for no surgery and I pray that this heart cath is NOTHING like the last one!!

"Witch"

For months I have asked MANY moms that have nursed babies how to wean and I have gotten lots of advise, but nothing never worked for Charlotte. I never intended to nurse her this long, but for some reason Charlotte's pediatrician recommended that I nurse her as long as I could and I have ended up with a monster!!! Every waking moment, Charlotte asks me for "witch". I am sure you are wondering how it got the name "Witch", well let me tell ya. When Charlotte was old enough to point and poke my breasts and cry for milk, I would ask her if she wanted "nene". For a while, that is what it was called, but as she nursed, she would cry after nursing one side because she wanted to switch sides. I would ask, "you want to switch sides"? and she would shake her head and say "peeze", so I would switch sides. Eventually, she just started asking for "witch" and it was so cute. Charlotte would walk up to me and rub my shirt and smell my shirt and smile that sweet smile of hers and "witch, witch, peeze mama". I would pull her up to my lap and she would lay herself down in my lap while I prepared to nurse her. How could I refuse? I have had women tell me that because she was old enough to ask for it, she didn't need it anymore. I wanted to give her all the "witch" she wanted because I know it's good for her, but boy, 18 months is a long time. and I was ready to try weaning. So I started taking the morning and afternoon "witch" away so that she only got it at bedtime. Boy did you know when it was bed time. She would get all giddy and sweet and start yelling "WITCH", and run through the house looking for me. I had been to a meeting Monday night and when I walked in the garage, I was greeted at the door by Charlotte and my husband and she was the sweetest baby ever. So happy to see me, but more happy I was home for "Witch"! I let her nurse her self to sleep and she had this look of satisfaction and peace on her beautiful face. I don't know what has happened since Monday night, but Charlotte hasn't ask me for "Witch" the first time!!! Tuesday night, Charlotte asked for milk at bed time, so I gave her a cup of milk and the rest is history! Today is Friday and let's just say I am a little sad :( I can't believe just that easily she has decided to give up "Witch"! I wanted this to come so bad for the last few months, but now that it has happened, I am sad. My baby is growing up! Her first big decision to wean herself, and she had done a fine job. I give her credit,,,, she has walked up to me and rubbed my shirt and smelled my shirt, but not once has she asked me for "witch", and I am so proud of her!!!

Heart Poem

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that he is just going for a visit. He is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. He asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart". "Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

THE CHOSEN MOTHERS BY ERMA BOMBECK

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure, and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothes of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger. "Armstrog, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy." "Exactly" smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it." "I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she believes in you. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps- "Selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally. she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted, She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see.... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. "She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side." "And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel. His pen poised in mid-air. God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."